The countdown begins.

Today I was feeling somewhat depressed. It seems that the holding pattern I am in now (i.e. boring, uninspiring) is interminable. Because of the mistakes I have made in my life I feel that, given greater flexibility and more options, I would be able to make other choices to get myself out of the current rut. What is this rut, you ask? This rut is really a great job at a great company with stock options, 401K, tuition reimbursement (which I need), and any other benefit one can think of. The problem is that I am miserable. The demands of this particular job wear on the nerves of an introvert such as myself. I spend my entire day on the phone with people selling technology products (they call me). Somehow I end up feeling like a shyster when I try to meet my quotas. And, worse - people condescend. People who have no business condescending. It is one thing to have an awful job, you can expect problems. But I have a decent, actually a good job, but I deal with the public. When you deal with the public, anyone who feels like it can crap on you. I am of the opinion that the more people per day you subject yourself to, the more stress you will have. I want to limit the number of people I deal with per day. Right now it is right around 50 per day not even including coworkers.

My goal is to get my Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology. The problem (though not insurmountable) is this: I need my bachelor’s degree. Almost no one knows this about me. I am 25 years old. I went to college. My friends who have known me through everything know that I didn’t graduate, but almost no one at work (other than human resources) knows this. If it ever comes up explicitly, and it has once, I tell the truth. But I don’t see any point in coming out of the closet with it. Maybe it is a virtue of not being raised Catholic (as my significant other was), but I am not into confessions. They don’t cleanse my soul. I’d rather have my privacy, or in this case, my self-serving illusion. But I do need the B.S., and I live within 10 miles of a major research University, so this is quite possible. I become a resident of my state in the fall, so I will start classes for the fall semester. It will take me a long time to get my B.S. unless I go part time. So…that is why I am counting down. In 99 days I will have been at this company for one year, which makes me eligible to move within the company, to part time (which is a little optimistic just yet considering my debt), or to a less sales oriented position (which is more likely). Focusing on the daily countdown is my technique to help me make it through. Some days it is hard to come back from lunch. I have been quite a bohemian in my time; it is a big switch to do something that makes me uncomfortable for 8+ hours per day.